Category: blog

So much is going on right now I had to start making “to do” lists, but this morning I accomplished a miracle – I walked into a clinic and got a COVID CPR test on the spot! One of my lists cited all the sites I’d tried to register for a test to no avail. I had to pay for it today, but after being told I’d be on stand-by for today in case someone cancelled, a very kind technician said, “Oh I’ll take her in between registered persons!” I was in and out in ten minutes! Sometimes there are advantages to being an “old lady!”

I’ll soon be on my way to Costa Rica with a friend to bird in the high Savegre Mountains at Savegre Mountain Lodge. I needed to get a COVID test to be sure I wasn’t asymptomatic! Now I can cross that off the list. But I have a list of things to do, write-up, purchase etc. for the pet sitter, another list of things to do around the house, and a third list of items to pack.

Alfred used to say he sometimes thought my lists had lists, and he’s right, I do have “sub-topics” but I find it is the only way to keep track of minutiae, i.e. do I have enough cat litter to last until I go and until I get back, which food is my finicky cat going to be willing to eat and do I have enough, stop the newspaper, what about the mail, do I have enough of a food supply for the bird feeders, how am I going to pack a camera bag, binoculars, handbag, book and carry one and make it look like just two items?

Then there are book presentations and book stores to follow-up on, dog grooming, clothes decisions – is everything clean and in good repair – altitude medication to pick up, and on it goes – 54 line items at this point! Who could possibly remember all that without lists!

I’ve been known to get up at 3 a.m. if I wake up and think of something that I’m sure I forgot to put on one list or another. Making lists is one thing, but there is a wonderful sense of satisfaction when something gets crossed off the list – done – and pure euphoria when everything is marked “done” and I’m on my way out the door to a new adventure. More about that when I return home!

In the story, Fiddler on the Roof, there is a song, “Tradition!” which, in thought, is applicable to all religions and cultures.

Christmas Eve was full of traditions in my family. We opened our gifts on Christmas Eve, with the morning bringing only filled stockings and whatever else Santa might have delivered during the night. And while Christmas Day was family-filled fun, even as my family got smaller, it still had its traditions. There was always a special meal, we always played “Silent Night”, sometimes I played it on the piano and later, I played a record, a cassette and then a CD. But it had to be the preamble to opening gifts. There were always Christmas cookies and milk – coffee sometimes as I got older – after the wrappings were disposed of and we’d watch the dogs playing with their new toys.

My husband’s death left me alone to carry on the traditions – which I still do. Which I find I must do. To do otherwise would be a violation of the highest order. Something special for supper, toys for the dogs, “Silent Night” as the preamble to gift opening- which now takes very little time being an old lady alone. But still, milk and cookies are a must afterwards. I don’t know that I’ll hang my stocking this year. Santa doesn’t have a helper in the house, but I will plan something nice for Christmas breakfast. And then, as I have for the past 41 years (missing last year due to COVID) I will spend the day with friends who have become a family to me as I’ve watched two generations be born and grow into adulthood. We share so many memories – the turnip that wouldn’t get cooked, jokes that get repeated every year, and stories about how my husband Alfred always said yes to all the offerings when dessert time came around.

Yes, tradition is important, It’s the glue that holds one together when things might otherwise seem to fall apart. Merry Christmas everyone and to all a good night – and a good year of maintaining traditions in the days and months ahead.

I once had a garden club sweatshirt with those sentiments and it certainly is true. I’ve been enjoying my specialty day lilies in bloom, going out each morning to dead head spent blossoms, sometimes as many as 50 plus each day. But now I was noticing stalks with nothing on them and brown leaves at the base.  I had some new lilies that bloomed for about three weeks on 5 ft tall stalks. What to do with them now? So, I rushed inside to Google “cutting back lilies” and got my instructions. While I was there, I checked on the Spiderwort because most of them are now lying down, having done their thing, and the astilbe blossoms were now brown. The Evening Primrose have taken over more territory, so I must pull some out. I’ve no worry. They’ll be back again next year in profusion. In any event, it was clearly time to go out and clean up the garden a bit.

Of course, once I got out there, I found – you guessed it – weeds! How dare they come up amongst my pretties!  I put Preen down, those weeds aren’t supposed to be there. Time to give them another sprinkle, I guess. And oh my, look at the stalks of green berries soon to turn red on my Italian Arum. They were hidden beneath the Spiderwort, but no longer!  The berries are poisonous to humans, but not to the birds. The Spice Bush is blooming and the late-blooming day lilies are just starting to show buds. How I love the way they stretch out the season. The same holds true for the varieties of Hostas I have – about 35 – some are now blooming and some are just starting to show the promise of a flower stalk.

I can’t say my container plantings look very good. The rains we’ve had every day this month but three, I believe, have left the Geraniums, Petunias and Lemon leaf looking like drowned rats. Time to go to the nursery again I guess to refresh the plantings. But my begonias are still looking spectacular in their hanging pots and my New Guinea Impatiens rested a bit, but are now starting to bloom again. But they all needed a bit of leaf pruning.

So after two hours of pruning this, cutting that, dead heading this and pulling up that, I had a heaping wheel barrow full of garden debris. I sat down on my work bench to survey my efforts and my lovely Rose-breasted Grosbeak stopped by and sang me a serenade telling me, I’m sure, that I did a good job, but you’re not done yet, Joy. You didn’t even touch the side garden.  I took a quick peak. Oh my, yes, the Goats Beard spent clusters need clipping and there are day lilies there needing attention Well, if it doesn’t rain tomorrow, perhaps… Unfortunately, by the time I work my way all around the house, I’ll be back where I started and most likely today’s clean bed will be tomorrow’s mess, once more in need of attention. A garden is indeed a job forever.

I’ve come to the conclusion that planning my book launching party is somewhat akin to planning a wedding – the search for a facility and a facility available on “good dates”, the menu selection, the arrangements for music, the invitation list, writing the invitations, ordering the envelopes and paper, what else? Oh yes, the music! I’ve been doing it all this past month. I did find a nice facility and tomorrow I go to discuss hors d’oeuvres. I secured the services of a string trio, the envelopes and paper and stamps have arrived, and now I need to go buy a nice pen to address them.

I made up a small flyer but it’s not finalized until I get the cover from the publisher’s designers. Nonetheless, I have five “bookings” for presentations and book signings. I can’t really pursue anymore until close to the time of publication.

Next it becomes a question of how many books to order to have them available for these five events – two of which are large – and for other events that get booked in December and January.

Then there’s the question of equipment – a laptop, projector and screen. Some places have their own equipment which makes it easy – but if I have to purchase a projector, I find they range from $70 to $1000! My local Wayland reference librarian was very helpful in researching articles etc. for make on this point. The photoshop presentation is a work in progress, so that’s yet another concern to factor in.

I asked and five kind people agreed, to write reviews and two of them have come in. As no one but my “reader” and the publisher have read the manuscript, it was wonderful to find people enjoying the stories and my sense of humor. Hopefully that augers well for book sales.

So back to my list making on a dreary rainy afternoon.

This is harder than trying to find a site for a wedding reception!

I finished writing my book just before Christmas. I took a break and then on January 2^nd I started writing letters to literary agents and I did that 4 out of 5 work days a week for three months. I got nowhere. I learned through seminars and other resources that once I found an agent and she/he in turn found a publisher for me, I could expect 18-24 months to pass. As I’m looking at my 85^th birthday approaching this summer, I decided I wasn’t going to wait 2 years to see this all come to fruition (I might not even be around!)  and I signed a contract with a company to self-publish. It’s going well, page proofs will be coming soon together with the cover design. I already have the text for the back cover, but now comes the hard part. Trying to find a site for a book launch party!

As the book is due out in November, that puts me smack dab in the middle of Thanksgiving and Christmas holiday gatherings and as I’m looking for a rather large room, there aren’t that many available. I have a charming site on hold, the ballroom, at Longfellow’s Wayside Inn, but the date in November 19^th and I don’t know if I’ll have a supply of books that early in the month. And they haven’t anything else available for the entire month of November and December. So where do I go from here? Hotels may be available, but they don’t have much ambiance. Country Clubs are another option, but I’m not a member of any. Location is a factor as I expect people to be coming from some distance so easy access is important. And then there’s the hors d’oeuvres menus – some are better than others.

I have the draft of a flyer and a poster ready, but I need the final version of the cover to proceed.

I have some bookings already, but I can’t secure more until I can print that flyer, which is waiting for the cover design.

I have a musical ensemble in mind, but I can’t book them until I know the date.

I’ll have to pare down the invitation list I made up, but I don’t know by how much until I have the date and know which site I’ll use and how many people can be accommodated.

Writing the book was all between me, my brain and my computer. This phase of publishing a book depends on a variety of factors not all of which are in my control. It was easier writing the book!

It’s been over a year since my husband passed on, but I’m still waiting to get the final estate probate papers. The pandemic hasn’t helped, of course, but just last week I learned that I needed to get an official appraisal of the value of our home as of May 15, 2020, when Alfred died! It seems part of determining any estate tax means knowing Alfred’s 50% share of our home at the time of his death.

I was also advised that doing this now will help vis-à-vis capital gains taxes on my estate when I go join Alfred, the rest of my family and my dogs in heaven – hopefully!

As we bought our home in 1968 when prices were a pittance of what they are today, our estate will be subject to a considerable amount of capital gains tax. Well, not wanting to give the government any more than necessary, and knowing we’ve made many home improvements, I decided to go back through our files and records to cost out all these home improvements. The first one I could readily find was in 1981 when we closed in a screen porch.

Alfred’s father was an accountant and he started to teach his son how to keep cash ledgers when just a teenager. Once he started, Alfred never stopped. He kept ledgers on every year of expenditures for 75 years! It drove me nuts when each week he’d sit down and write out every expense from groceries to hair cuts to magazine subscriptions incurred during each week. If his cash on hand didn’t match his expenditures, it was always, “Joy, what did you spend it on, I’m missing $24.00! I hated the nights he balanced his books because he was so exact it was always my fault if the books didn’t balance.

Well, today, I pulled a chunk of change away from Uncle Sam!  I went back in Alfred’s files of receipts and those darn ledgers and was able to document 38 home improvement projects between 1981 and 2021 for a considerable amount of money! When I told my lawyer, she was astounded, but said those records will make a substantial difference in estate taxes.

Alfred’s ledgers also enabled me to calculate the cost of every trip we took, which, when we donated our photographic collection to the University of George Bugwood website, enabled 12 years of charitable donation deductions. Our tax accountant was always waiting for us to get an IRS audit so he could see the agent’s face when Alfred walked in with all those ledgers and asked, “which expense would you like to challenge!” It never happened, but he was all prepared!

So as much as I hated those weekly financial reckonings during more than 50 years of marriage, they did make for both merry moments and chastising when Alfred had to have “miscellaneous” items in his ledger! But oh would he rub it in now! Left to my own devices, I’d never have been able to document all these expenditures, but that little kid who kept track of 10 cent bus fares and 25 cent movies in his teen age ledgers taught me a lesson that’s going to enable a bit more money for my heirs!

Lunch with friends – a simple act, normally, but today’s lunch was a joyous occasion. I drove south, they drove north from Cape Cod and we met for lunch! We sat inside a restaurant, all vaccinated, and  all so happy to see one another after months of separation that the conversation never stopped. It was the first time any of the four of us had gone into a restaurant and sat down to eat with friends. And it was marvelous.

We tended to take so much for granted prior to the pandemic, Now, we cherish simple things. It’s not just having lunch with friends, but so many “normal” activities, that circumstances have denied us this past year,. which become extraordinary when new circumstances permit us to enjoy them once again.

This pandemic has given us all new perspectives, new appreciations which hopefully will carry over into the days ahead.

And greeting friends with a hug! That was the best of all!